Meeting someone from the internet, a person you first talked to online, is a normal way to make friends now. It is also the moment where a little preparation pays off, and lets you do it safely. None of the rules below assume the other person is dangerous. Almost everyone you meet will be exactly who they say they are. The rules exist so that, if someone is not, you have already protected yourself, and so that you can relax and enjoy the meetup.
1. Get comfortable in the chat first
Spend enough time messaging to get a feel for the person: how they respond, whether their stories are consistent, whether they respect it when you say no or change the subject. Do not feel pressured to move faster than you want. A friendly person is happy to wait.
2. Have a short video call before meeting
A ten-minute video call confirms that the person matches their photos and that the conversation feels natural out loud. It also removes the biggest unknown before you commit to a trip. If someone always has an excuse not to video call, treat that as information.
3. Meet in a public place, in daylight, for the first time
Choose somewhere busy and familiar: a coffee shop, a park path with other people, a market or a casual class. Keep the first meetup short and easy to leave, an hour is plenty. Avoid private homes, secluded spots and the other person’s car.
4. Tell someone where you are going
Share the person’s name and profile, the place, the time and when you expect to be home. Agree to message that friend when you arrive and when you leave. Many phones can also share your live location with a trusted contact for the duration of the meetup.
5. Arrange your own transport
Get there and home under your own steam, whether that is driving, a train, a bus or a ride you booked yourself. Not depending on someone else to leave is one of the most effective protections there is. In the New Jersey and New York area, a meeting spot near a train or bus stop makes this easy.
6. Keep personal details private at first
Wait to share your home address, your exact workplace, your daily routine and details about your family. Be careful with photos that show your street or building. Share personal information gradually as trust is earned, not because someone asks for it.
7. Go easy on alcohol
Alcohol lowers your guard and your judgment. For a first meeting, coffee or a walk is perfect. If you do have a drink, keep it in sight and stop at one.
8. Trust your instincts, and have an exit line ready
If something feels off, you are allowed to leave, with no explanation. Decide beforehand what you will say, for example: “I have to head out, it was nice meeting you.” Do not worry about seeming rude. If you ever feel unsafe, move toward other people, and contact local emergency services (911 in the United States) if you need help.
9. Never send money, gifts or financial details
A new friend should never need your money. Be cautious if someone asks for help with an urgent emergency, a loan, gift cards, a transfer or access to your accounts, however sympathetic the story. This is the most common pattern in online scams.
Red flags worth taking seriously
- Pressure to move to another app, or to meet immediately
- Refusing a video call, or photos that do not seem to match
- A story that keeps changing
- Requests for money, or for sensitive personal information early on
- Anger or guilt-tripping when you set a boundary
- Pushing for a private location
You do not need to see all of them. One is enough to slow down.
After the meetup
If it went well, say so and suggest a next step. If it did not, you can decline politely or simply stop replying if you feel unsafe. If someone behaved inappropriately, report them on the platform you met through so others are protected, and block them.
How we think about safety at KnownList
In the app we are building, other people only see an approximate area and a rounded distance, never your exact location. You can block or report anyone from their profile, and a blocked person disappears for both of you. Meetups are planned around public places. Tools help, but the habits above are what keep you safe on any platform. For the other side of a good meetup, see our guide to making friends as an adult.