The first thirty seconds with a new person are usually fine. You say hello, trade names, mention where you know the host from. And then there’s the cliff: both of you finished your lines, and the silence arrives. You scan your brain for something to say and find only the weather.

Most advice on how to keep a conversation going is a list of questions to memorize, which helps for about a minute. A better approach is to learn a handful of moves, small things you can do in any conversation that give it more to run on. Here are the ones that work best, with examples so you can hear how they sound.

Why conversations stall

Conversations die for a few boring reasons. One person answers with a single word and doesn’t ask anything back. Both people stay on safe, shallow topics. Or someone is so busy planning their next sentence that they miss the thing the other person just offered.

That last one is the most common, and the most fixable. People constantly drop little hooks into conversation, like a half-mentioned trip, a project, a complaint, and we walk right past them because we’re thinking about ourselves. Learning to notice hooks is half the skill.

Move 1: Ask one follow-up

The simplest technique is also the strongest. When someone answers a question, don’t jump to a new topic. Ask one follow-up about their answer.

“What do you do on weekends?” “Mostly hiking, I try to get out most Saturdays.” “Nice. Where’s your favorite trail so far?”

That follow-up took four seconds and opened a whole new thread. Good follow-ups often start with what, how or tell me about, because they can’t be answered with a yes or no.

Move 2: Share something back

An interview feels like an interrogation if only one person is giving information. After they answer, add a small piece of yourself:

“I’ve been trying to get into hiking too. I went to a lake last month and got completely lost, but it was kind of fun.”

Now they have something to respond to: a place, a mishap, a shared interest. A good rhythm is ask, listen, share, ask. You don’t need dramatic stories. A small, real detail is enough.

Move 3: Pick up the hook

Listen for the throwaway phrase. “I’m swamped this week because of the move.” That’s a hook. Instead of saying “oh, that sounds busy,” say “Oh, where are you moving from?” Hooks are free conversation material that people have already chosen to offer.

If you’re not sure what a hook is, look for anything with a detail you could be curious about: names, places, plans, strong opinions, small complaints.

Move 4: Go one level deeper

Most small talk stays on facts: where you live, what you do. You can move the conversation up a level by asking about the experience or the why, gently:

  • Facts: “Where did you move from?”
  • One level deeper: “What do you miss most about it?”
  • Facts: “What do you do?”
  • One level deeper: “What do you like best about it?”

You don’t need to jump to heavy topics. A little curiosity about feelings and preferences is plenty, and it makes the conversation feel more personal without feeling intrusive.

Move 5: Use the setting

When you’re stuck, the room is a free source of conversation. Comment on the food, the music, the activity, the weird decor. “Have you tried the thing at that end of the table?” is a perfectly good question. It takes pressure off both of you, since you’re looking at something together instead of at each other.

Move 6: Bridge to a shared interest

If you know you share an interest, steer toward it and let it carry the conversation. If you don’t yet, find one with a few exploratory questions: “What do you like to do when you’re not working?” Once you hit something, stay there.

If you want ready-made starters, try our list of 30 icebreaker questions.

What to do when there’s a silence

First, don’t panic. A short silence isn’t a failure. Almost all conversations have them, and they feel longer to you than to the other person. If you can be relaxed about the pause, it stops being a problem.

If you want to restart:

  • Go back to a hook from earlier. “Wait, you mentioned a trip. Where did you end up going?”
  • Ask a fresh question about something around you.
  • Say what you’re thinking: “I just realized I have no idea what you do for fun.”
  • Offer an easy exit with warmth if it’s run its course: “It was really good to meet you. I’m going to say hi to a couple of people.”

Ending a conversation kindly is a skill too, and a good ending makes people more eager to talk to you next time.

Things that quietly kill a conversation

  • One-word answers with no question back. Even a small “How about you?” keeps things alive.
  • Looking at your phone. It signals you’d rather be elsewhere.
  • Interrupting to tell your own story. Wait for their sentence to end.
  • Giving advice nobody asked for. Ask whether they want input first.
  • Turning every topic back to yourself. A little sharing is good, a monologue isn’t.

A mini example, start to finish

Here’s what a conversation might sound like using the moves above. Two people at a pottery class:

A: Is this your first class? B: Yeah, I’ve wanted to try it for ages. You? A: Third week. I’m still terrible at centering the clay. What made you want to try it? B: I stare at a screen all day for work, and I wanted something with my hands. A: Same here. What do you do? B: Product design, mostly in spreadsheets, which is funny. A: Ha. Is there something you want to make, or are you just seeing where it goes? B: I’d love to make a proper mug. Mine so far looks like a flower pot.

Nothing here is clever. It’s just a series of questions, a bit of sharing and one small joke, all anchored on the thing they were doing. It could keep going for an hour.

Conversations you’ll have through a screen

If you’re chatting with someone through a friendship app or messaging, the same principles work, with a few tweaks: ask open questions, reference something they mentioned, and keep messages short. And move to an in-person meeting within a reasonable time, since conversation flows better when you’re in the same room. Our guide on how to text a new friend goes into that, and if you’re meeting someone from online, read our safety rules first.

Practice makes it easier

Like any skill, this gets smoother with use. Try one move a day: ask one extra follow-up, notice one hook. Within a few weeks, it stops feeling like technique and starts feeling like curiosity.

And if you want somewhere regular to practice, a recurring class or group is ideal. See our guide to making friends after moving for how to choose one.